Making military Reintegration a more Peaceful Time

Two girls having a rest in autumn park

Every military relationship is different, every couple is unique and has different needs. If you and your spouse have been separated by deployment you learn to accept a new reality. In the beginning you cry and grieve for your spouse not being with you, after a while you accept the circumstance of your spouse’s job and eventually you begin to create your own routines and life your life while your spouse is gone. No one really tells you that after the initial homecoming things might not be so easy or pretty like in movies or on television shows.

Despite how happy your spouse is to return to you, he or she will probably come home exhausted, anxious, jetlagged, emotionally overwhelmed, and quite possibly with a huge to-do list from work.” – says Raleigh Duttweiler from Here’s What You Need to Know About Reintegration

There is a whole process when it comes to having your spouse gone for an extended amount of time then have them return home. No one really talks about how to deal with your emotions when your spouse comes back into your life and somewhat interrupting your new normal. Sometimes reconnecting with your spouse after a deployment when you have come to have your own sense of independence can be hard.

What is military reintegration?

Deployment is all about survival without your spouse and reintegration is survival while you spouse is around. I think after being away from your spouse for an extending period can temporarily strain the relationship when come back together again.

Reactions to the return of the deployed service member can vary wildly; some spouses report not having to adjust at all during reintegration while others report that their deployed partner is no longer the same person they knew previously, making for a rather difficult adjustment.” Says Lydia I. Marek from Returning Home

It’s great to know a little bit about the psyche of your military spouse when coming back from a deployment. Here are some quick suggestions to reference to help you open up with your spouse.

Reintegration for Service Member – What its feel like

It’s hard to share personal thoughts or feelings.

Home front spouse: Ask questions, but don’t expect answers right away. You know your spouse better than anyone. Let your spouse come to you, give them time, and don’t expect the world from them.

It’s hard to keep up longtime friends not in the military.

Home front spouse: Talk to your spouse and see if they want to connect with friends in person. Or suggest that your spouse text or call one of their friends they haven’t seen in a while.

It’s hard to find a since of belonging in a civilian world.

Home front spouse: Sometimes the civilian world is crazy and sometimes your spouse can’t deal with everything going on. However, plan to go to community events like movies or music in the park. See a local comedian or try a new restaurant.

It’s hard to taking care of health: mental and physical issues.

Home front spouse: Help your spouse to seek medical attention if necessary in your situation.

Reintegration for Home front Spouse – What its feel like

It’s hard to keep from worrying about the next deployment.

Service Member: Remember your spouse loves you and has missed you. Help your spouse focus on the present moment with you.

It’s hard to figure out who turn to for advice.

Service Member: Offer suggestions to your spouse on who they could talk to such as family members, friends or other military spouses they could get advice from.

It’s hard to deal with deployed spouse’s moods or frame of mind.

Service Member: You may be going through a lot yourself, however both you and your spouse need to love each other extra during this time. Lean on one another and know you are not alone in the situation at hand. Try to open with your spouse about things and avoid isolation.

It’s hard to fit deployed spouse back into our home routine.

Service Member: Of course you want to relax and don’t want to interrupt what your spouse’s routine but ask if your spouse needs help with stuff around the house. Helping out around the house can give you something to do and support your spouse in more ways you can imagine.

Being part of a military marriage is a wonderful thing and may be hard sometimes. Remember, its best to realize you and your spouse might argue or disagree on things but it is okay even normal.

“By altering my expectations, opening the lines of communication, and allowing us time to adjust, I was able to see reintegration from a different perspective and to view it as a rare opportunity to fall in love.” – Wife on the Roller Coaster

It’s up to you and spouse to begin the process of reconnecting and communicating. Do things you love to do; together. Get dressed up and go on a date or just chill and watch Netflix. Whatever it maybe, do things that bring you together.

All it takes to connect again is a little time and a little love.


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What do you to do make reintegration a more peaceful time? Leave a comment!

How to Add More Understanding to your Military Marriage

When you come together as a new couple to start a relationship then marry, you love everything about your spouse and they can do no wrong in your eyes. As time passes and the honey phase of your marriage wears off you begin to see your spouse for who they are and all their annoying habits or traits. Remember you are a spouse too and whether you believe it or not you have some habits your spouse deals with. Any relationship brings two people together that think and feel differently, not to mention express emotions differently as well. No doubt it’s hard to be in a relationship with two different people. Now add having your spouse in the military.

Marriage in the Military world is even harder to maintain, especially in times of war, frequent deployments, low pay, and let’s not forget the effects of stress on our Troops. Talk about hard work? They’re not kidding when they say being a Military spouse is the toughest job in the service.”Laura Roberts

I heard somewhere most of the time people fall out of love for the very same reason they fell in love. Look for the positive, for the cup to be half full instead of half empty. How do you add more understanding into your relationship? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines to understand as to know how (someone) thinks, feels, or behaves. I believe the way that you add more understanding to your military marriage is by having patience, communicating, compromising, forgiving freely, and not holding things against each other.

Keys to Add More Understanding

Be present in your relationship


Realize: You might not always being able to plan events or spend every holidays together but you can share your experiences even long distance.

Cope: Use webcams whenever possible!

No relationship is easy you have to build and work at your relationship every day because there are situations that can tear your relationship apart if you let it like distance, jealousy or infidelity. With any relationship you have to build it from the ground up keeping those walls strong so they won’t fall under the slightest pressure. Live each day in the present. Remember, there is nothing you can do about the past except learn from it and the future hasn’t happened yet. Needless worry can kill the romance while drawing you and your spouse apart instead of together. Find the reasons why you love each other and show each other that every day. Enjoy the small moments in your life and cherish them.


Be able create balance and order


Realize: You will not be able to control or will the military to do anything.

Cope: Use your wit, strength, and love to find peace in your life.

Just like with any relationship you have to keep trying. Try even when its hard and don’t give up on your spouse because they are always there for you. Agree on the important things in your life and decide what goals you want to pursue as a couple like buying a new, buying a new house, fixing up your credit or starting a family together. Come up with a life plan and figure out how to deal with different situation together instead of against each. I know it’s easier said than done. If you can maintain a healthy friendship with your spouse you are already one step ahead.


Be open and honestly communicate


Realize: Communication might not always be easy if your spouse is deployed or training for long period.

Cope: Find ways like writing hand written letters or creating care package for you spouse to communicate while they are deployed.

Understanding takes time to sculpt in a relationship but you can do it you learn everyday that’s a great thing. When it comes to the relationship you’re in it together. if you feel like your partner has forgotten how to love you then both have to communicate and figure out how to connect. Communication is 1 part listen and 1 part talking. Everyone gets to be an active listener and an active talker. Express how you feel at the right time in the right atmosphere.  


Be ready to comprising


Realize: You do not need to lose your sense of self when your spouse’s career in the Military take precedence in the your relationship.

Cope: Find your passion and go after it.

Comprising means meeting in the middle not necessarily giving up how you feel or what you want within the relationship. Its good talk things out when situation occur and decide together what will make both parties happy. You won’t always get your way but you can try to keep hurt feeling and resentment bay when you comprise on something. Compromising is giving when you can taking when you need to.


Be willing to forgive and move on


Realize: All couples have disagreements whether your spouse is in the military or not.

Cope: Speak your peace and continue living.

You learn early on in your relationship you’re going to make mistakes, everybody makes mistakes, and that’s okay. By learning from those mistakes and grow from your failings  in turn helps your relationship become stronger. There will be days when you’re really going to need your spouse to get through whatever situation life tosses you. It important not to let disagreements or arguments linger for longer than necessary. Be forgiving and loving after things settle down and when you can talk to your spouse about things in a calm manner. Hugging always helps too!


Use your Resources

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Realize: You have more resources that you can know you just have search for or ask about resources you need.

I have been reading the most amazing book about Military Marriage and I am half way done. I highly recommend this book.




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How to Add More Understanding to your Military Marriage

What are ways you add understand to your military marriage? Leave a comment share your thoughts!

5 Heartfelt ways to keep your love strong in a Military Marriage

marriage military

How do you make your marriage a top priory when the mission always comes first? You don’t compete with the mission. When you are in a military marriage you realize that the reason your spouse is in the Military is to keep the United State safe. It doesn’t mean your relationship or marriage takes the backseat. If anything you need to keep your military marriage strong so it can withstand any situation that might arise.

Keeping your marriage strong is comprised of the 5 C’s! Connect, be Compassionate, Communicate, be Committed, and Confide.



Always communicate with your spouse. Communication is the key to connecting and staying close to you spouse. When my wife works away from home I always try to use google message to engage and create conversations with her. If she is connected online I can talk with her immediately and all the little things that I think of through the day I share with her. Communicating will remove distance no matter how far away you are.

My wife and I always talk to each other in different accents depending on our moods, but we use the accents as a fun way to liven up our  everyday conversation.  I love it, and we always laugh when we are together. We are goofy and have a good time whether we are driving somewhere or simply laying down with each other.



Forgiving is a huge thing in any relationship or marriage. If you have an argument and can’t get over it what happens? You lose trust in your relationship you take 3 steps back instead of 3 steps forward. The unresolved argument lingers and floats into all aspects and interactions you have with your spouse whether you realize it or not.

Who wants to be sad, angry, and hurt when you can’t connect because of an argument? Showing compassion is important to a relationship; you have to realize no one’s perfect. Being understanding and patient with your spouse is one thing to not over look.

You should know when you’re right, know when your wrong, and know when it doesn’t matter. Relationships are about sharing your life with someone. It’s give and take. Compassion lays path for having an open heart and being able to show kindness to your spouse.


Relationships must have compromise because both people are deciding the outcome of a situation together. Balanced sacrifice for the good of the relationship helps strengthen it and eliminates resentment. One outcome of compromise in a relationship is independence.

Some spouses need to do things for themselves by themselves like going to school, pursing a job promotion, or a hobby. Currently, my wife makes handcrafted soaps and I blog in my free time. We are both very much a part of each other’s hobbies and are interested in what we do but we both realize we need time away from our relationship to do things that interest us. My wife and I are creative souls but show it differently.

One spouse may want or need to be independent. That doesn’t mean they are not fully committed to the relationship or love their partner less. Sometimes our spouses have their own interest outside of the marriage. They need time to be a their own person with their own identity, away from the identity as a couple. It’s okay to want to do things without your spouse. You create new experience to share with your spouse which ultimately strengthens the relationship. Compromise promotes trust within a marriage.

Giving the gift of freedom to your spouse can bring great joy and a sense of closeness you can’t get any other way. You must put away insecurities and trust your spouse to make the right decisions.



How do you show you’re committed in your marriage? It can be shown through small gestures like being lovable and showing patience when difficulties or complications arise.

Have a kind attitude goes a long way in a relationship. Show you’re committed by doing simple things like thanking your spouse for something they did for you, saying I love you, sharing a meal, or watching television together. My wife and I have a few shows we only watch together despite our different work schedules – Fear the Walking Dead and House of Cards.

All marriages are a work in progress. Some weeks are better than others, just like some days are better than others. You must always keep trying and you cant give up. Giving up on your commitment to each other can only lay a negative foundation for your marriage. An important thing to remember in a marriage or any relationship that is long term is: Keep it Sexy. No one is perfect, but its always a good idea to keep the romance alive in your relationship.

Be present in your marriage; stop putting all your attention on your phone or the computer. Disconnect from the web and reconnect with your spouse who’s right in front of  you.



Listen to your spouse when they share their deep secrets with you. Share your fears. Be vulnerable. Grow with one another. Every situation you go through in life is a chance to grow close. Learn from each other. Staying connected and confiding go hand and hand. Your spouse is your other half. They are there for you when you need them the most. Rely on each other and trust in each other.

I have turned into a great listener pretty ever since I got married. If my wife needs to vent about some dummy she knows or encounters, I let her. It can be difficult sometimes because she is so passionate and explosive with her venting. At first it was hard to not take it personal but I am getting the hang of it. You have to let you spouse be who they are.

Hear what your spouse is saying and look at your spouse when they have something to say when you’re together. Really listen to what your spouse says. Be thankful for one another and appreciate what you spouse does for you and your relationship. Say it, don’t just think it – your spouse isn’t a mind reader.

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What ways do you connect, show compassion, comprise, and show you are committed and confide in each other? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!